I CAN MOONWALK!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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