i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
