A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i came on her dog
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
