She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
