I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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