You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
