She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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