ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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