Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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