By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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