She's JV to your varsity
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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