I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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