Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
