i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
People with herpes should wear stickers.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
