You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize