it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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