I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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