In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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