i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
