so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
