Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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