Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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