That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
