explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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