TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
