it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
