I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you inspire me to be a worse person
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
