So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
