I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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