some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
