My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
