Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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