I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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