I hate all girls vehemently.
...so i touched it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
