These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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