There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
