The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize