yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Shame - the story of my life.
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