Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
