Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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