HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
