He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
