i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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