I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
