So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
