If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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