Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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