The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
