They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
