I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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