i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
