The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
