At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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