What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize