he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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