I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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