oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
