Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
