my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
