So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
