It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
