Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
