So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I look better un-naked...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
