I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
