Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
