Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
