I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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