apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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