in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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