You really coming over, don't trick.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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