i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
