The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
