A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize