you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
