I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
