so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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