dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
