or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
