when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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