i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
