I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
