and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
