It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
