well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize