I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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