I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
