i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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