ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.

  Fav 5 942 1968

  share tweet
  

• (352): View more from Florida

  Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.

  Fav 178 4434 1236

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (602): View more from Arizona

  I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?

  Fav 44 5041 1642

  share tweet
  

• (+54): View more from

  My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed

  Fav 30 8640 1472

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner

  Fav 11 5394 2364

  share tweet
  

• (269): View more from Michigan

  My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.

  Fav 12 4079 1520

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

  Fav 21 9779 1537

  share tweet
  

• (325): View more from Texas

  She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...

  Fav 38 4343 2601

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....

  Fav 9 1249 914

  share tweet
  

• (631): View more from New York

  Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once

  Fav 8 944 629

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant

  Fav 5 511 1191

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell

  Fav 1 607 257

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.

  Fav 3 63 14

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?

  (1-416): View more from Toronto

  Why do you even have to ask me that question

  Fav 0 50 4

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (248): View more from Michigan

  my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here

  Fav 0 89 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize