I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
