he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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