Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
