i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
