There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
