You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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