Porn is love you can see.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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