Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
