i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
