Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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