Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
